Seeing sunshine in the rain.

“Are you ever sad? It seems like you are always smiling, always laughing.”

 

I’m human. Of course I get sad. I get a bad grade on my geometry test, I may not look sad on the outside, I may give my shoulder a shrug, smile, and say “I just can’t think this way!” jokingly to the boys that sit next to me. They’ll laugh. But that number in the top hand corner sure does make my face fall a little, it sure does dull the sparkle in my eye, and it certainly does make me feel inferior.

Sometimes, I stub my toe. Here I am, sauntering down the hallway, when out of nowhere a chest pops up and into that mahogany does my toe go. Not only do I feel the need to scream out every colorful word I know, I also gallop around the room, clutching the ache and maybe just maybe a little salt will creep out of my lids.

Sometimes, days don’t go the way I would’ve liked them to. The things I'd thought up in my head don't go the way they "should've", heartaches are felt, disappointments are in abundance.

Sometimes, I remember times of old. Times of youth, times of childhood, times of laughter long gone, of faces not seen, of memories forgotten - those feelings can cause any happy child to become fallen and sad.

Sometimes, I worry. I worry so much that I have a panic attack - my digestive system shuts down, I feel like everything is falling around me, I’m drowning, I can’t get out. The fingernails dig into the skin,

“Stop worrying,” they say.

It’s not that easy.

You wanna know the secret to being happy? The secret to always smiling, always laughing even when toes are stubbed, love doesn’t work, memories are forgotten?

The Lord’s face shining upon you, granting you peace like a river.

Making your soul well.

Covering your bad days with good feelings.

He says that he gives strength to the weary.

You know what? It takes strength to smile when you’re down. But he gives it anyways. Maybe so people can see that having a Lord whom I can call ‘Daddy’ is enough to cause any ache to stop.

Tears aren’t bad, you know.

He holds them all, you see.

And it’s okay if your face turns as red as a tomato and your nose runs and your eyes scrunch up.

You know why?

Because, at the end of the day, you can call him daddy. You can run up to him, sit on his lap, rest your head against his chest, close your eyes tight. And in those arms, in that light, on that throne, sitting on his lap, you receive peace like a river even when sorrows like sea billows role.

He has taught me to say that in the midst of the bad days, it is well with my soul.

So, I smile. Because my soul is well.

Even when my physical being isn’t.